Many songs have been written about hurt. Many tears have been shed around emotional hurts and I suspect wars can start if we don’t take care of ourselves and honor our emotional hurts. Can we talk about the facades we put up to protect ourselves from the simple admission that we’re hurting, and the shame we feel around it? Can we talk about the defenses we put up to hide our hurts, the energy it takes to maintain beliefs and sustain strategies of denying our hurt and making ourselves & others wrong? Maybe compassion is the ability to open our heart to accepting & containing our own hurts, and naturally move from there to opening our heart to the hurt of others.
I received a poem a couple of days ago that was inspiring & sent it to four friends, sharing my inspiration with them, similar to how I write this daily daily message – sharing my personal experience of how I practice returning from fear to love. The poem was received from an old friend whom I’ve asked two years ago to stop sending me hateful emails that degrade Arabs & Muslims and aggrandize Israelis & Jews. What I didn’t say to her at the time was how hurtful it was for me to receive those email, just like I don’t say often enough “outch, this really hurts. Stop it”. I too have learned over the years to lie about and coverup my emotional hurts, and hate myself for feeling them. I received back three lovely emails from the friends I sent it to, except to the one who sent me the poem. She sent me a an attacking email obviously meant to get my attention in a hurtful way. While it occurred to me that “this may not be about me but about her”, and she could be retaliating for my asking not to send me hateful email, it got to me in the way that words can poison with negative energy and can trigger old wounds that can result in self-abandoning. One way of abandoning the ‘hurtful place’ is obsessing about it, going into the head and having constant attack thoughts towards the person who inflicted the pain or towards myself. Other ways are shutting down, getting numb and denying the hurt. Then there is a large menu of “people places & things” we use to medicate and cope with our hurts. Those of course work temporarily and often result in self destructive behaviors, depression and the killing of joy.
I realized that this was a trigger and that I needed to partner it with the breath. Opening my heart and asking the breath for help to have compassion for my hurtful place. Moving with grace and celebrating life in the present moment, brought my MOJOE – joy, oxygen & ease. I can have some compassion for my friend now, and feel more spacious about her. But at the same time I also did what I learned from Maya Angelou. When bad energy is exuded in your presence, it’s ok to protect yourself by asking it to leave, or walk away from it. “First it gets into the furniture, then it gets into the walls, and before you know it it’s poisoning your body and hurts your soul”.
Everybody hurts, but you don’t have to stay there. You can breathe & celebrate.
Samuel Jakob Kirschner, Voice of the BREAZE