This weekend I officiated my first wedding. Meghan & Quinn’s weekend wedding took place at a farm house upstate NY, near Saratoga. The house was built almost 100 years ago by Quinn’s grandfather Joe McCarthy Jr. who was a famous lyricist in Hollywood and was married four times. One of his wives was the actress Veronica Lake. There is a river next to the farm, and at 10:30 in the morning someone pushes a lever that fills the river up with water from lake Luzerne . The property is unarguably beautiful. No doubt it was once inhabited by Native Americans. There is a landing area there where Joe McCarty used to land his plane.
Fast forward Megan & Quinn’s wedding August 29, 2015. 120 guests flew and drove in from all over the U.S, and from Austria and Berlin. Of course we planned and rehearsed the ceremony a couple of hours before. There was a period of about 10 minutes, when I was asked to invite the guests to sit down and wait for the procession of the brides mades and best men to arrive from a landing in the meadow to the grounds where the ceremony was going to take place. An accordion was playing a song that Joe McCarthy composed, which was then changed to an audio track that Quinn McCarthy composed for the Hopi Message I was going to read.
You know that no matter how much we try, we can never figure out exactly how things are going to pan out in the present moment. So here is what went through my heart & mind as we were waiting for the bride & groom to arrive. Here is the speech I would have wanted to give that was not scripted in my notes.
“While we’re waiting for the bride & groom to arrive, I’d like to tell you a little about myself . Let me start with the outfit. So, the long white shirt called galabia in Arabic is from Juba South Sudan. I got it there two months ago at the local market in the only two free hours I had for myself. The galabia represents to me the beautiful & indigenous spirit of Africa. The pants and the shoes are from a flea market in Manhattan. They represent to me how much I love getting beautiful cloths for a good bargain -:). And the hat was made for me by my designer friend Tika, who sells her creations at a stand on Houston street on the weekend. This hat reminded me of the spirit of Woodstock in the the sixties represented by the Mamas & the Papas. For those of you who never heard of them, Google and get informed. It will help close the gap we people in our sixties have with you people in your 20’s & thirties. Hellloooooo…. As we’re waiting here, I wanted to share a healing preparation meditation with you, because you know life is 90 percent preparation and 10% performance, or the other way around. I want you to know that while sharing it with you – I’m also taking care of myself, since I’m a little nervous too. At this point all we can offer Meghan & Quinn is our undistracted presence. They actually asked me to thank you for that.
1. Take care of yourself. Make sure your brain is getting enough oxygen to endure any anticipation anxiety you may have about what’s about to happen, and that your heart is open for what’s about to show up. Breathe…. Love….. Open your heart and breathe with ease….
2. Have Compassion for your self. Compassion is the greatest healer, especially – for yourself. You can always have some more compassion to expand your capacity of dealing with the unexpected. Right now, what are you stressed, anxious or feeling insecure about? Open your heart… and breathe compassion to it… (don’t try to understand it… just do it…-:)
3. Choose to love life all the way & celebrate this moment. I’d like to especially address the families of the bride & groom. Child, in this crowd there are some stories of marriage drama enough to make a best selling reality TV show. Couples splitting up and remarrying their best friends. To you I particularly want to say – “Open your heart and breathe compassion to yourself”. Your relationship was stuck or over, but you didn’t know it. Make the adjustment now. Forgive yourself for not knowing and have compassion for your friend who picked up your failed dream and gave it a new life. I know it’s a hard pill to swallow. But I was there myself. My beloved left me for someone else, but what’s worse he left me to burry our dead dream by myself. I was devastated for two years and then got tired of being sick & tired, and forgave myself for getting involved with him. After I forgave myself, forgiving him was easy. Now that he has crossed to the other side, I’m having the best time with myself and a great relationship with him – Loving and celebrating life all the way. Give your children who are about to get married the gift of loving & celebrating your life all the way. You can do it right here and now. Just be willing. Open your heart and breathe love.
And now, let’s welcome the bride & groom and their brides mades and best men.
Here’s a message from the Hopi Elders, 2001.
Samuel Jakob Kirschner, Voice of The BREAZE