I love it when on my morning walk, at 6:42am, as I’m trying to reclaim the joy I was born with for today, I bump into a saying that’s etched in the pavement – “Protect Yo Heart”. It reaffirms why I love living in NYC so much. There is such an abundance of messages you can get to ‘yo questions’ to life if you pay open-hearted attention. As I try to reclaim the joy I was born with, it is rarely possible not to bump into and meet my Self-hatred, the counterpart that gives joy it’s ‘reason for being’.
I recently had a challenging email communication with an old friend I haven’t been much in touch with. An email that I sent with good intentions of acknowledgment & appreciation in response to a wonderful poem she sent was answered with angry & ugly words of Self-hatred. Her answer got to me and poisoned my energy. I can go on about how damaging & maligning those words were, and how of course they triggered in me the doubting voice of Self-hatered – “Am I a bad person?”. Because of my daily practice, I did the work to clear my energy.
In the 21st century it would be considered ‘too naive’, too Pollyanna to be joyful for just breathing. Believe me, I have a couple of people who greet me with “So, are you feeling the joy inside your breath today?” I’m not sure why, but when I often feel ‘grateful for just being alive’, I immediately remember the times when I wished I were dead because I hated my life so much and couldn’t bear the pain of living.
Right in the sentence “I hated my life so much I couldn’t bear the pain of living” lies the premise of my focus “Reclaiming the joy we’re born with”. We are born with a natural joy of being alive. That joy is our best resource for thriving & succeeding in life. We also accumulate enough trauma (disruptive events that shock us out of the Joy Of Being alive) which can become our defaulted reaction of Self-hatred . Unless we do the inner-work to face & embrace our Self-hatred, we’re bound to leak & spread Self-hatred towards others, the world & ourselves.
Self-hatred and bad energy are toxic. They poison and destroy everything they come in contact with and of course – the bearer of them. Maya Angelou said about it “First it goes into the furniture, then it goes into the walls, and then it goes into the soul”. We call it many names today. “Stress, anxiety, anger, insecurity, disconnect.” It’s not a very popular thing to speak about this, and especially to disclose yourself and be transparent about it. In fact most Western cultures have been built around hiding it and lying about it so we don’t have to feel embarrassed. Some programs like recovery from addictive & compulsive behaviors are forthcoming in addressing it. Self-hatred is dealt with through the 12 steps of AA. Even the new age has had a tendency to put whipped cream on top of it and keep it very positive. But if you don’t acknowledge the problem, you can’t heal it. I believe that the most sacred work on the planet today is to own and heal our Self-hatred & reclaim the joy we’re born with– all “In a sacred manner & in celebration” – as the Hopi Message says.
I have been addressing Self-hatered for the last forty years. I’m glad to say that it has been the most rewarding journey of my life to transform Self-hatred into the Joy I was born with, using the five steps of the BREAZE. And there is a peace that comes with that joy. It is the peace of the unarguable. You cease arguing about whether you’re a good person or not. The joy you were born with is the unarguable proof that you are.
Samuel Jakob Kirschner, Voice of the BREAZE