This morning all I need to do is my Breaze practice, write some morning notes and answer email, sign my new lease, and go to Broadway to see a seven hour production of Angels In America.
I’m excited about the show, and the weather couldn’t be any nicer. As I’m walking to Madison Square Park, to have a bran muffin, banana and tea, and share some with the squirrels, I bump into a man standing near the entrance of my building, with a lost look in his eyes that spells trouble to me, and triggers my LOH (loss of humanity) trauma, putting me on high alert...
I notice my PTS (post traumatic stress) rising. My body contracts, and I hold my breath. My mind goes into a full fledged attack story that spells - danger. “Be careful, this man could hurt you...”. I slow my breath down with the intention to take care of myself, BSL (Breathe-Self-Love), and make more space. I open my heart just a crack, having compassion 4 my reaction and a heart-4-now. In no time, I feel calmer, clearer, more at ease & present... I continue on my morning walk. I’m OK.
There’s no need to think anymore about what just happened. No need to do anything about it, just continue to hold space & flow with the present, enjoy my life, be grateful and celebrate... until the next eruption. Until something else highjacks my attention, triggers my LOH, and deems the situation - dangerous, lost or evil. “54 Palestinians are killed in Gaza while a festive opening of the US embassy ceremony is going on in Jerusalem... “, “A nasty remark my president makes about the media with a lost & evil look in his eyes... “, “Two people in the bus getting into a fight about space that turns disturbing, racial & ugly... “, and my knee jerk reaction always screaming - "What should I do about this ?"
I've been burned so many times before, reacting & playing judge, holding my breath and closing my heart all the way into an anxiety attack... abandoning my self and losing my humanity yet again...
I’m a Breathe-Self-Love-healer, and an artist-of-living-in-the-present. I want to help you & me not suffer in vein and get depressed over anything that triggers your LOH, and can turn evil. I'm a living proof that you can turn loss in 2 evil (e v i l as in l i v e spelled backwards) against yourself. Having the joy you were born with killed, anticipating your life strangled out of you in terror...
But I'm also a living proof that you can breathe and dance with your loss, heal your lost humanity in the present, with conscious loving breaths. Find your way back to your inner garden of Eden, and feel the joy you were born with, in a sacred manner and in celebration, championing your unworthiness & letting go of your survivors guilt... Having fun with the process and and turn it in 2 theatre & living art. :)
I saw the new and amazing production of Angels in America on Broadway. Seven hours divided into two shows of the latest theatre can offer. A brIlliant production. However, I could hardly sit through it. The darkness was too overwhelming for my body to sustain. As someone who has gone through the AIDS era and survived it against all the odds, I wish I could breathe, move & dance through it. As I'm writing this there is a news-break about a school shooting in Texas. I'm wondering if killing children in schools is the new crisis in America? A 21st century Re-enactment of LOH, the Loss Of Humanity?
#HumanUp. Make your life matter & be an angel of your lost & found humanity... not just in America, but all over the world
Samuel Jakob Kirschner